16

Days of Action

Against Gender-Based Violence

&

16 Days of Action against Gender-based Violence (GBV) is an international campaign to challenge violence and abuse, especially against women and girls.

The campaign runs every year from 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, to 10 December, Human Rights Day. Every year community and voluntary groups across Bedfordshire join the global campaign to raise awareness of, and help bring an end to, all forms of gender violence. This year marks the 30th anniversary of the global 16 Days Campaign.

What is Abuse?
Physical Abuse
slap, hit or punch you, push or shove you, bite or kick you, burn you, choking, strangulation, kicking, physical restraint, throwing objects or using objects as weapons, force-feeding or denying food, any acts that hurt or threaten you.
Emotional Abuse
Humiliation, manipulation, negating, criticizing, isolating, blaming, denial, neglect, creating co-dependency controlling, verbal aggression, gaslighting.
Threats and Intimidation
threats to hurt or kill you or family or friends, destroy things that belong to you, yelling and screaming, invading your personal space, harassment, bullying any behaviour that would reasonably cause a person to fear injury or harm.
Sexual Abuse
The abuse does not have to involve penetration and is an abusive sexual behaviour act committed by one person on another. inappropriate touching, unwanted sexual demands, hurt you during sex, pressure you to have unsafe sex, pressure you to have sex, rape, force taking advantage of a victim, Revenge porn.
Gaslighting
is psychological manipulation and controlling abuse that makes you question your own memory, perception, and sanity. There are three stages to gaslighting in a relationship: idealisation, devaluation, and discard.
Coercive Control
Isolation, monitoring your activity, controlling money, name-calling, Jealousy, threats, manipulating children, making sure you’re afraid, dependent, isolated, and worthless. It could be a partner family or friends. Coercive Control is not always violence.
Stalking
Stalking is defined as “a pattern of unwanted, fixated and obsessive behaviour which is intrusive and causes fear of violence or serious alarm or distress
Harrasment
Aggressive pressure or intimidation, unwanted behaviour which is offensive or makes you feel afraid or fearful of violence. Texts, phone calls, letters, emails, threats, outside your home or work or driving past it
Economic Abuse
Sabotage from acquiring money, prevent you from education employment, limit your working hours/pay, take your pay, restrict from benefits, no access to bank, controlling your spending, ’ Economic abuse is more than controlling finances. Controlling you use of property.
Previous
Next

Unhealthy
Relationships

Isolation

Are you being pulled away from your support network? e.g. Friends and family. They may do this by talking negatively about them, and causing you to doubt them and their intentions. This can result in you becoming more tethered and reliant on your partner.

Jealousy

Your partner becoming more demanding and needs to know where you are and who you are with all the time. Possessiveness and mistrust. Accusations of cheating and flirting

Belittling

Your partner may try to humiliate you by making jokes at your expense, and accuse you of ‘overreacting’ when you tell them it hurt your feelings. Being silenced. Breaking you down instead of building you up.

Volatility

Angry and hurtful fights, followed by emotional makeups and promises it will never happen again.

Healthy
Relationships

Respecting Space and Boundries

Both physically and digitally

Does not

try to change, or control you, or to seek unconditional love

Being able to Admit and Apologise

When wrong, the ability to admit this and too apologize

Communication

Communicating well, and openly. Supporting you and your ambitions.

Having Lives Outside Eachother

16

Voices

for

16

Days

Words from some of the women who have been affected by domestic abuse and improved their lives with the help of the services of IMPAKT Domestic Abuse and D.A.R.T

1

It took me 3 years and multiple arguments to realise I was experiencing DA. The DV was not only physical, but also emotional, psychological and financial. I was gaslighted, blamed and shamed, now left with over £20K debt.

Whilst in DA relationship, due to its complex psychological nature, it wasn’t easy for me to recognise it for what it was. I felt isolated and hopeless. When you feel like there is no way out, it is hard to find motivation and to take appropriate action. DA is a shameful topic, you don’t want to walk around broadcasting that you are in a DA relationship. So it is hard to open up about it and tell your friends or family, what is really going on in your relationship. You know something is not right, but you don’t want to admit to yourself first that, what is happening, is actually DA. You take a lot of blame on yourself, and get on with things. Until the next time, and there comes a time when you say ‘enough is enough’.
If it wasn’t for Katie from IMPAKT resettlement team, I wouldn’t know what to do and who to turn to. I had no clue what my options where in terms of alternative accommodation. Katie helped me with the move into the women’s refuge, and now, 1 year later, my 3.5 year old son and I have just moved to a council flat, and started resettling back to society. I am amazed how much psychological and financial support is available for women coming out of DA relationships. Thanks to Katie and DART, my son and I are able to receive this support, which normally, I wouldn’t know any of these existed.

2

"Charley has been absolutely wonderful, and so have the guys who delivered my furniture, they gave me so much more than I had hoped. I can’t thank you all enough, you have been truly amazing and I couldn’t fault a thing. Everyone was so kind and lovely to me.“

3

“I found the service really useful, they helped me a lot. IMPAKT are continuing to support me long term.”

4

“Katie is one in a million! she did a great job with helping me as much as she could up to the very end. and she was genuinely there for me. she made me feel at ease. Overall very happy with the service, couldn't fault it.”

5

“The team at Impakt have changed my life”

6

“ I have progressed my mental health and domestic abuse awareness to both build my resilience and enter into relationships with high self-esteem and confidence; Impakt you have changed my life”

7

“I would like to commend Veronica for explaining everything. It also helped that she attended a meeting with Social Services as i felt nobody was listening to me and she assisted with having my voice heard and getting my views across.”

8

“ I received excellent support from DART to enable me to re-settle, it was not only items for my empty house but re-assurance as well that they are there until I am fully re-settled. I would recommend Domestic Abuse Resettlement Team to anyone who needs such support as simply they are doing an amazing job for people like me.”

9

"You have helped me massively. Without you, I don’t think I would have been able to do this on my own. I really want to thank you for everything you’ve done. You are an amazing person and the work you do for people is incredible. I feel you went above and beyond for me, so thank you so,so much!"

10

"I was sign posted to Impakt Housing because of domestic abuse. I needed support with moving away from a dangerous man and Impakt Housing gave me much needed help and support."

11

" I've experienced emotional, psychological and financial domestic abuse from my partner of 12 years. I feel like I've lived in a prison being controlled, manipulated and being gaslighted. I had reached the stage when I couldn't take this abuse anymore and I had a first mental breakdown. I cannot thank enough my Resettlement Coordinator from IMPAKT for acting straight away to help and support me to flee the toxic environment my child and I have been living in. "

12

"I was referred through Bedford women centre to impakt housing when I reported an abused ,I was facing in my home and wanted to flee. I was always tearful because of humiliation in front of friends and my children. I was paying most of the bills in the house but no one could visit me. But now I feel so confident with myself from the help and support ,I’m receiving from impakt housing because I was always isolated. I can now talk to whoever I want to and wherever I want go."

13

"When I first came into contact with IMPAKT I was in a bad place mentally, and was struggling to really absorb everything that was being said. However, my resettlement coordinator was very patient with me and always prioritised my wellbeing above all else. Every promise made was followed up. I am very grateful as I was at such a hard time in my life, and IMPAKT were contributed massively to how I feel as settled as I do now."

14

"The team at Impakt have changed my life; I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused since I was 14 years old; I was refused to access education but with help and support from my Idva and Impakt I now have everything in place to leave and pursue my dream. Several safeguarding referrals have been made but this always made my situation worse;
The funding stream has provided all of the items I need to leave home and leave for my dream in further education with the knowledge I will not be singled out by other students as someone with issues; I know the support available to me will continue to work with the counselling services to progress my mental health and domestic abuse awareness to both build my resilience and enter into relationships with high self-esteem and confidence; Impakt you have changed my life;"

15

"I have actually been for a walk around my area for the first time alone since moving here because of the alarm and could actually enjoy it so thank you."

16

"I am forever grateful for the services who have supported me regarding my domestic abuse situation. I do not have friends or family in this country, my two dogs are my emotional support and one of my biggest motivations to move forward. When I thought I did not have any possibility to reunite myself with the dogs, until I was put in touch with IMPAKT, you and your organization brought light into my life and give me peace and happiness with the fantastic news that you will support my dream. "
Getting Help

if you are in immediate danger please call 999

Victim Support 24 Hour Help-Line

24 Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Luton All Women's Centre

Bedford Women's Centre

Stepping Stones Luton

Man Kind Initiative

Honour Network Helpline

Revenge Porn Helpline

Bedfordshire Signposting Hub

LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline